ANgUisH

Had a bad day a work on Friday. On my job I work around alot of people, like in Supermarkets and such. Today I was working in a particularly large store, but belief it or not Word of my personal blight and story has around around all over the Bay Area, people i don't even know seem to say.."You should punk him', "why don't you punk him", "Punk us", "machine you!?", "You should Hoe him", "they want to hit his mother".... ad infinauseum.

To some people, this is a signal that I need psychiatric help. A counselor/social worker insisted that I should get a psychiatric evaluation... possibly for anti-depressant medication like Prozac or Wellbutrin. My closest confidant, "my mother" has brought this line, Hook Line and Sinker...She thinks medication would help also, but I tell her, "Help for what?" What good does it do to stay in a place, where people speak ill of you (for ill reason, and possibly scheme to hurt you?") medicine might help me cope, but I fixate on just getting the hell out of here, maybe I'm wrong and maybe there right. The scheming started when I was staying at the Oaks hotel, and the malicious gossiping, fabrications they started there and has come to life since.

I'd hate to leave my mom now and maybe have my mom to face the angry mob for nothing she did not do..yet in most ways its unbearable for me to stay here..Even in my room (new location not far from my old place where this all started) some of the tenants around me here seem dedicated to my corruption. By mouthing out 'Why don't you Hoe him, why won't you punked him. Everybody wanted to be punked, So far I just work for a living can't they just punk themselves?...I just want to be basically left alone to my own devices which I have seemed to do very well at thank you.

I can't even work hardly, I've got people actually smelling me, sniffing me and my ass, I guess to see if anyone has been dipping in there. To me as a male it is also really a high insult, I've been around women who had powerful odors ,a kind of feminine thing, where the odor nearly burned off the hair in my nose....do I complain about it , nooooo I figure it would be impolite to suggest to a women that she not use so much douche, or to avoid certain kinds of perfume, like "Poison", which smells like dog urine on the body. But I have to suffer this, perhaps my counselor, and my mom think I'm imagining all of this.

So I think about leaving alot for a long time change of scenery and people, but in order to do that at present I'd have to quit my job. Some of my money is tied up there, and quitting would be the only way to access it but I'm afraid to leave at the moment cause the Job market in this country is abysmal. Yet staying is problematical, if all I do is stir up enmity, and bad feelings along the people whom I was trying to help in the first place, but the people who have hurt me the most..