Marked for death....?

Still here at the Hotel, I decided not to leave yet. Why? I don't have much money saved up to move. If I can stay at my job a while longer till the end of the year, I'll qualify for retirement benefits. Which is a bit of additional money , about 2 grand or so. Money I won't get if I leave now. I don't see how I can make it till December though...some people have made threats against my life. These drugs dealer types around here, why? Possibly because the installment of a childcare center sponsored by the State in one of the building in the courtyard outside. The drug dealers like to hang around in the area, and the police don't do much having other priorities, but with a childcare center sponsored by the State near by...these druggies better give this place a wide berth..lest they get in trouble with the FEDS! A Childcare Center right across the way from this building a gentle reminder I think of how and why African-Americans in this area have forsake there children..They take drugs, sell them, prostitute themselves and others but the final casualties are there children.

Maybe somehow they blame me, that's why I been marked for death? They mark me cause I got away from that fellow in Room 711 that was harassing me at there behest that man paid somebody in the hotel for the privilege of punking a African-American male so they picked me? They don't like to welch on a deal? Nevertheless I've moved to a different location in the hotel..so I don't have to hear that guys whining every day, perhaps I'm the one whining now. There is some relief at this.

In this new location I have more noisy and obnoxious neighbors, they moved me by another white fellow who I think like African-American males I met him before I move next to him..not a bad guy, ( though I could be wrong). Anyway I hear through the grapevine that the druggies are out to perforate me, and probably because of my picketing the area. A lot of people know about my situation cause of the picketing. The result is that it is difficult to work in the area, travel on the Subway, even work. Everybody as a opinion, they seem to suggest I should have sex with the man, half seem to think I should shoot the guy. Both are bad solutions. At this point I rather other people keep there opinions to themselves.

Shooting the guy is unacceptable.. going to prison is the most likely outcome. Sex with the Guy, The guy is big and ugly..it would be like having sex with Karl Malden..but even some people found Karl Malden attractive, but not me.

Women are really kinda callous in there attitudes, white women like to sneak up on me ..and they'll say " Play him"! Nothing like boffing dear old dad! African-American women aren't much better, they don't seem to understand why I don't "Punk him" either". So I choose the middle ground , move my location. Understand There ain't a male in the U.S.A who wouldn't have done the same thing or worse.

Now these people around here have threatened my life, there even harassing my MOTHER. African-Americans , and there youth are doing this driving by her house, or youths walk by shouting stuff, scaring her. Maybe these kids think I'm some kind of a whore, or maybe there afraid that people like that guy in 711 will come after them, and there kids....so its okay if he harasses me.

I wish I could get some of these people to understand what I've been through , all I wanted to do was try to help the African-American community here in the Bay Area, They don't know how hard I worked to get here, and what I have been through just to make it. Now my life, and the life of my loved ones is being threatened by people I don't even know, and don't know me, by the people ,I pledged to help. And I've even involved my mom, cause we live in the same town.
God help me.

Today another tenant, a white who's been here a long time , who's close to his mother. Left the Hotel. No one after him, nothing I never felt so envious.